Understanding Children's Emotional World: Isabelle Filliozat’s Guide for Parents and Educators
- Selda Berat Özmen
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Understanding Children's Emotional World: Isabelle Filliozat’s Guide for Parents and Educators
Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys, filled with moments of joy, frustration, and deep learning. Understanding children's emotions—why they cry, rebel, or withdraw—can often feel like decoding a complex language. This is where Isabelle Filliozat, a renowned French psychologist and parenting expert, offers invaluable insights.
Through her books, including The Heart of Parenting ("L'intelligence du cœur") and "I’ve Had Enough!" ("J’ai tout essayé!"), Filliozat provides a compassionate, science-backed approach to raising emotionally intelligent children. Her work bridges neuroscience, psychology, and practical parenting strategies, helping adults respond to children’s emotions with empathy rather than frustration.
Why Emotions Matter in Childhood Development
Filliozat’s core philosophy is simple: Children’s behaviors are expressions of unmet emotional needs. Tantrums, defiance, and withdrawal are not "misbehavior" but signals that something deeper is happening.
Key Principles of Filliozat’s Approach:
Emotions Are Not the Enemy
Many parents instinctively try to stop children from crying or getting angry. But emotions are biological responses—they need to be felt and understood, not suppressed.
Filliozat explains that dismissing emotions ("Stop crying!") teaches children to repress feelings, leading to emotional struggles later in life.
The Brain Science Behind Behavior
A child’s brain, especially the prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-control), is underdeveloped until their mid-20s.
When a child is overwhelmed, their "emotional brain" (limbic system) takes over, making reasoning impossible in the moment.
Connection Before Correction
Instead of punishments or rewards, Filliozat advocates for empathic listening and validation.
Example: Instead of saying, "Stop hitting your brother!" try, "You’re really angry right now. Did he take your toy?"
Practical Tools from Filliozat’s Work
1. Decoding "Misbehavior"
Filliozat’s book "J’ai tout essayé!" ("I’ve Had Enough!") breaks down common behavioral challenges by age group:
Toddlers (1-5 years): "No!" phases and tantrums are normal—they’re testing boundaries and seeking autonomy.
School-age children (6-12 years): Sudden aggression or withdrawal may signal stress, fear, or unmet needs.
Teens: Mood swings and rebellion stem from brain restructuring and a search for identity.
2. The Power of Playful Parenting
Filliozat encourages play and laughter to defuse tension.
Example: If a child refuses to put on shoes, turn it into a game—"Let’s see if these shoes can hop to the door!"
3. Setting Boundaries with Empathy
Limits are necessary, but they should be firm yet kind.
Instead of: "Go to your room!"
Try: "I see you’re upset. Let’s take a deep breath together."
4. Healing Our Own Emotional Triggers
Many parents react harshly because they’re unconsciously replaying their childhood experiences.
Filliozat urges self-reflection: "Why does my child’s crying make me so angry?"
Why Filliozat’s Approach Works
Research supports her methods:
Emotionally validated children develop better self-regulation and mental health (Gottman, 1997).
Punishment-based discipline increases anxiety and aggression (AAP, 2018).
Playful engagement strengthens the parent-child bond (Siegel & Bryson, 2011).
Criticisms & Considerations
Some argue that Filliozat’s approach:
Requires patience—not all parents have the luxury of time.
May seem permissive—but it’s about guidance, not lack of discipline.
Cultural differences—some societies value strictness over emotional expression.
Yet, her principles align with progressive parenting movements (RIE, Positive Discipline) and neuroscience.
Final Thoughts: A Kinder Way to Raise Emotionally Healthy Kids
Isabelle Filliozat’s work is more than parenting advice—it’s a blueprint for raising resilient, emotionally aware humans. By shifting from punishment to understanding, we help children:✔ Develop emotional intelligence✔ Build secure attachments✔ Grow into confident, empathetic adults
For parents and educators seeking a science-backed, heart-centered approach, her books are essential reading.
Have you tried Filliozat’s methods? Share your experiences below!
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